Holiday Road
by the ultimateSora
Summary: When Ralphie's mother and Phoebe's father decide their family needs a bonding vacation, the Terese-Tennellis embark on a road trip from Walkerville to Orlando. It doesn't take long for everything to start going downhill. Hilarity is sure to ensue.
1. snitches get stitches

**note:** So I really love writing Ralphie and Phoebe as step-siblings (and Dr. T...oh, how I love writing Dr. T), and I decided that the Ternelli family should go on a road trip in which hilarity ensues. Parts loosely based on the 1983 classic, _National Lampoon's Vacation_, including the title, which is the name of the movie's theme song by Lindsey Buckingham.

Don't own MSB.

Enjoy!

* * *

**holiday road  
**by, the ultimateSora

**chapter one  
snitches get stitches**

_Monday, August 9, 2004  
The Terese-Tennelli house  
Walkerville, Rhode Island  
4:18 AM_

Phoebe sat on top of her step-mother Suzette's 2004 Lexus RX330 as Suzette lifted the bottom half of the car-top carrier up to her. The sun wasn't up, so their only light came from the lights on the garage and side of the house. Phoebe moved back off the roof, the open back door allowing her to stand on the back seat so she could strap the carrier to the roof rack as Suzette got the other side. This was the rare time Phoebe appreciated being five-foot-ten.

"Excited for Orlando?" Suzette asked.

Phoebe smiled as she fastened the first strap. "Very. I've always wanted to go to Universal Studios, ride the _Back to the Future_ ride. Why aren't we flying, again?"

"Well, your father and I thought it would be a good re-bonding opportunity for us. We have three drivers with you and Ralphie and myself, so a good, long eighteen hours on the road should do us good." She paused for a moment before she sighed. "Or we'll strangle each each other by the time we reach Virginia."

Phoebe giggle. "_That_ sounds more like us."

"The Waltons we are not."

"More like the Bundys."

They both laughed, and Phoebe pulled herself back up on the roof to get the top half of the carrier. She always liked Suzette, even when she was apprehensive about her father being with a new woman. Suzette never tried to be a "replacement mother," but she was an excellent maternal figure. Suzette married Mark Terese in December of 1996, but it was when Phoebe hit that special time in her life- or rather _didn't_- four years later was she grateful to have a step-mother she could talk to (especially one that was a doctor), sparing her and her father the embarrassment. Any questions concerning her "budding sexuality" went straight to Suzette. Her father and Ralphie seemed to have a similar bond, and Phoebe knew that Ralphie considered Mark to be the father he always wanted and was now grateful to have.

"So, just between us girls," Suzette said, "you're going to miss Arnold, aren't you?"

Phoebe felt her face warm as she secured the top to the carrier. "We've been apart before." She and Arnold had been dating a year that past July.

As she climbed down, Suzette said, "I don't know if it still holds true now, but I thought when a boy gives a girl his letterman's jacket, she's his best gal." She winked when she saw Phoebe walk around the car towards her. "Your father may still not like the idea of you having a boyfriend, but I've known Arnold since he and Ralphie were barely out of diapers. You could do a _lot_ worse."

Phoebe shook her head as they walked in the house through the side door. "It's funny 'cause Daddy hates Arnold due to him having a penis and taking me out to dinner, and Mrs. Perlstein hates me because I'm-" She looked down at her stained tank top and worn out jeans that stopped short of her ankles, gesturing down her body. "She always asks him when he's going to 'stop this slumming phase.'" In a perfect impersonation of Jean Perlstein, which caught Suzette by surprise, Phoebe said, "'Son, she looks like one of those homeless hippie artists you'd find in flea holes like _Brooklyn_.'"

"_Uncanny_ impersonation!"

"'Suzette, when _are_ you going to join the country club? You know we Ladies of Walkerville would just _love_ having something as novel as a _female doctor_ from _New Jersey _as a member!'"

Suzette put her hand on Phoebe's shoulder. "Now it's getting a little weird." They both laughed, and she patted her back. "Go see if that hulk is awake and packed. I'm going to pack the snack cooler. Is the bathroom cleaned?"

"I cleaned it last night, but I don't know if Ralphie's done any damage since."

"Go ahead and make sure it's clean still. You never know if any stray hairs made their way in there." Suzette sighed and added, "No one sheds like this family. It's like a bunch of Chewbaccas."

Phoebe smiled and headed for the stairs. Her own bags were down by the front door, having done her packing the night before and that morning. She didn't have much, just a suitcase for her clothes and shoes, a smaller bag for her shower stuff, and her backpack with her books, CDs, and portable CD player. She was also taking Arnold's letter jacket, which was laying on top of her bags (he told her he didn't mind). She went up to Ralphie's room, walking in to find him still asleep under his covers. She turned on the overhead light, which made him groan.

"Ralphie, time to get up. You don't want us to leave you behind, and I get to ride the _Back to the Future_ ride without you, do you?"

He sat up. "Shit, I guess not."

He got up and stretched, Phoebe hearing his joints pop. Ralphie had finally surpassed her in height two summers before their sophomore year when he hit five-eleven. He grew another five inches during their junior year, stopping now at six-feet-four. He was also over two-hundred pounds of bulk and muscle, thanks to hockey and football. Phoebe could see the muscles in his back as he continued to stretch, and she wondered how it was she- barely over a hundred and twenty pounds- could hold her own when they got into one of their physical fights.

"My shit packed?" he asked.

"Did you pack?"

"A little."

"Then only a little's packed. Hurry up. Suzette and I want to pack up the Lexus as soon as we can."

"You need to me to put the car top carrier on the Family Truckster?"

"We already did it. Just hurry and get ready, okay?"

With that, she walked out and went down the hall to her room, double checking that everything was unplugged and she had everything she wanted to take along. She saw her old sock monkey doll on her bed, and she picked him up. She didn't care that she had just turned seventeen; no way she was going without Rambo. She went downstairs and put Rambo in her backpack, which she strapped on so she could pick up her other two bags and Arnold's jacket to pack in the car. She set her things down in the kitchen and helped Suzette with the snack cooler. They carried it out to the Lexus and put it in the trunk. Phoebe took off her backpack and set it in the backseat before going back in the house.

Mark Terese walked out of the master bedroom, which was off from the living room, and he walked to the kitchen. Phoebe smiled when she saw him. "Breaking out the Tommy Bahama shirts already?"

He was wearing a tan button down that had a palm tree pattern on it with linen shorts, and he also had on his new Ray-Bans Suzette got him. "Well, I figure we're off to Florida, might as well dress like it. Suzette picked out my outfits. What d'you think?"

Phoebe gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You look good, as always, Daddy."

Ralphie walked in just then, wearing one of his sleeveless "WALKERVILLE FOOTBALL" t-shirts with cargo shorts. "Whoa! Lookin' good, Mark! Florida ready!" He tossed his duffel bag towards Phoebe, who reluctantly caught it. "You gonna pack the Lexus?"

Phoebe dropped the duffel bag. "You're a big boy."

Suzette gave him a sarcastic kissy face as she picked up his bag. "So let your _mommy_ pack your things."

Ralphie sighed and shook his head. "_This family_, I swear."

Mark patted him on the back. "That's why we're going on this trip, son. We need a good family bonding time." He cleared his throat. "Maybe some time away will also be good for Phoebe."

Ralphie laughed. "Right! Because she has a _boyfriend_."

Phoebe shot Ralphie a dirty look before looking at Mark. "Daddy, how come you don't give Ralphie a hard time when he has a girlfriend?"

"Because he's not my daughter."

"I'm the boy!" Ralphie said. "I can get away with murder!"

Phoebe scrunched her nose and arched her brows in irritation. "And I'm the girl. I could kill my step-brother without anyone suspecting me."

* * *

_Outside New York City, somewhere in New Jersey  
8:53 AM_

Ralphie looked over to see Phoebe writing a text message on her phone. He took off his headphones. "Phoebe's using up minutes."

"I am not!" she said. "Sending a text isn't using minutes!"

"But it does cost money," Mark said. "Tell Arnold he'll see you in a month or more."

Suzette kept one hand on the steering wheel as she reached over to touch his arm. "I just added a good texting plan so the kids can have at it. Plus, we have plenty of minutes, _and_ we have nights and weekends."

"You know what they say," Phoebe whispered to Ralphie, "'snitches get stitches.'"

Ralphie put his massive hand on her head and pushed her away. "Whatever."

She smacked his arm. "Don't touch me!"

He grinned and reached over, keeping his finger hovering over her cheek. "I'm not touching you!"

She smacked his hand away. "Stop it!"

"_Stop it!_" he mocked, still grinning.

She smacked his hand again and shoved him away from her. "Stop!"

Suzette sighed. "Oh, sweet Jesus, give me the strength to not pull over this car and beat both of those kids."

"Ralphie started it!" Phoebe argued.

"She's writing nasty things to Arnold!"

"_I am not!_"

Mark turned around. "_Both_ of you, stop! You each stay on your side and occupy yourselves with your music or video games or books, _something!_"

Phoebe closed her phone and reached in her backpack for one of her books, _A Storm of Swords_. Ralphie reached over and smacked the book out of her hands.

"Nerd," he said.

"_Ralphie!_"

Phoebe took off her seatbelt and jumped on him, pulling his hair as she punched him. He wrapped his arms around her and slammed her down on the seat to get her to let go. Suzette and Mark erupted in shouts, and Suzette pulled over on to the shoulder.

"_That's it!_" She got out and opened the back door, pulling both kids out by the hair. She didn't care they were seventeen and quite large. "You two want to act like children? I will _happily_ spank you both right here on the highway!"

"He/she started it!" they both said at the same time.

"I don't care!" She moved Ralphie towards the driver's side. "Ralphie, you're driving for a bit. I need to keep you two separated."

Ralphie got in as Suzette gently pushed Phoebe towards the backseat. Once Phoebe was in, Ralphie adjusted the seat back, purposely hitting her legs. She reached out and hit him.

"Those were my legs you just bruised!" she said.

"Don't hit the driver!" he said, reaching around to attempt to hit her.

Suzette smacked his arm and pushed him forward. "Stop!"

Once everything was quiet, Mark turned to Ralphie and said, "Make sure your mirrors are adjusted right."

Ralphie adjusted his rear view mirror. "Okay."

"I didn't hear a seatbelt click," Mark said.

Ralphie buckled up. "Done."

"I can hear the cars coming fast. Check over your shoulder before you start merging."

"I know, Mark."

"Do you, Ralphie? _Do you?_ If you act like a smart ass, you're going to do something stupid and prove me right. Do you want to prove me right?"

Ralphie sighed as he started driving forward on the shoulder. "No."

"No...what?"

"No, _sir_."

To keep Phoebe from laughing, Suzette reached over and clamped her hand over her mouth. Mark went on, "I may not be able to see, but I can hear better than anyone in this car. Sounds like you're all clear. Check over your shoulder."

Ralphie checked to see the lane was clear and merged. "My step-dad is Daredevil."

Before Mark could ask, Suzette said, "Comic book superhero, hon." She moved her hand off of Phoebe's mouth and patted her cheek. "Good girl."

Phoebe picked up her book and sighed. "This is going to be a long trip, isn't it?"

"Hey, Ma, pass me my CDs?" Ralphie asked.

Mark shook his head. "No distractions. You're still a novice driver."

"Well, can I at least turn on the radio? It's too quiet."

"_I'll_ pick the station," Mark said. He turned on the satellite radio and pressed the preset button for one of the classical music stations. "A little classical music will do you some good. Phoebe, can you name the composer?"

Without looking up from her book, she said, "Sounds like Tchaikovsky."

"_Nerd_," Ralphie said.

"Jackhole," Phoebe said, kicking his seat.

Suzette reached down and picked up Phoebe's backpack, putting it in the trunk. "Phoebe, trunk."

Phoebe unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed over the seat, book in hand. "Happily." She situated herself between the snack cooler and back of the seat, and she took out her CD player. "Headphones on," she said, covering herself with Arnold's jacket. The faint scent of his cologne relaxed her.

She realized she eventually fell asleep when she was startled awake by the feel of the Lexus coming to a stop. She could see they were at a gas station, so after putting on Arnold's letter jacket, she climbed over the seat and followed Suzette out of the back. Her long legs were wobbly as she stood up, and her back popped as she stretched.

Ralphie was on gas pumping duty as Mark and Suzette walked towards the convenience store. "Pheebs!" he called out to her before she walked too far.

"Mountain Dew and Cool Ranch Doritos, I know."

"And?"

"King size Snickers. Are you going to stop being a jackass?"

He smirked. "Pheebs, you know I can't keep that promise."

She smirked back. "Then I can't promise I won't put your food down my pants."

He grimaced. "Never mind. I'll get my own shit myself."

She turned on her heel and walked away. "Yes, you will."

Phoebe went inside and made a quick stop in the ladies' room before getting her drink and snacks. As she was trying to decide between Sprite or root beer, she felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. She took it out and smiled when she saw she had new texts from Arnold.

_You hadnt responded in a while so i figure you're sleeping  
I hope Ralphie won't do to you what he does to me when he catches me napping_

She responded: _I was sleeping but awake now  
At a gas station in Maryland for a break  
Ralphie wouldn't draw ding-dongs on my face with Suzette right there haha_

When she finally decided on Sprite, she went down the candy aisle as Arnold responded: _True, true. BTW, can I say something without "sounding" dependent?_

_You know theres NO WAY you could ever out-dependent me. What is it?_

She picked up a large bag of Twizzlers and a bag of Sour Patch Kids, and before she met with her father and Suzette, her phone buzzed. Her chest was tight with anticipation of what Arnold wanted to say. She knew her smile was the biggest it had ever been when she read his texts.

_I really really miss you and CANNOT wait until you get back  
I want you to have fun in orlando but im excited for next week  
How does a catamaran ride in narragansett bay sound?_

She was still smiling big as she wrote back: _That sounds perfect  
I really really miss you too and i cant wait to see you again  
_

His response came quick: _Haha we really are saps huh?_

_But its fun making the others uncomfortable with our sappiness hehe_

_That it is, that it is_

Ralphie suddenly came from behind her and took her phone. "Having text sex?"

She didn't hesitate to punch him in the ribs so she could grab her phone back, which she did. "Why are you being such a jackass?"

He held his side, his eyes closed from the pain. "You punch me in the ribs, and _I'm_ the jackass?"

"Why can't you just be a nice brother for once?"

"Ha! Have you ever been around the Lis or Ramons? Hell, D.A. and her sisters are all assholes to each other. Janet and Arnold are only cousins, and look at what an ass she is to him!" He suddenly got a look on his face when he remembered what Janet's ass looked like. "And what an ass..."

Phoebe smirked. "Yes, Arnold's ass is quite nice."

"No!" he snapped. "If I find out that pretty-boy nerd put his hands on you..."

"You'll what?"

Before he could respond, Mark and Suzette walked over to them. Suzette was wearing a blue trucker's cap with white lettering that read "BOOB POLICE." "Huh?" she asked. "How does it look?"

"Awesome," Phoebe said.

Ralphie grimaced. "Oh, Ma, don't wear that."

"It's 'ironic,'" Suzette said. "Isn't that what all the kids are into these days?"

"I think it looks good," Phoebe said, smiling at the fact the hat made Ralphie embarrassed.

"She's not _your_ mother," Ralphie said.

Phoebe shrugged. "People assume she is, so I think it looks good."

Suzette patted Phoebe's head and said, "Have I told you lately that you're my favorite?"

"Not since yesterday."

The two walked to the counter to pay, and Ralphie sighed. "Mark, why do women always side with each other?"

Mark laughed and patted Ralphie's shoulder. "Son, if I knew any of the secrets of the opposite sex, I'd tell you."

The four walked out to where the Lexus was parked once everything was paid for, and they stopped when they noticed the spray painted graffiti on the side: "PATS & GIANTS SUCK!" with "GO BACK 2 NEW ENGLAND" written under it. Upon closer inspection, the hood was painted with "GO RAVENS!," and all of the tires were slashed. The front license plate was bent forward, as if someone was trying to pull it off with no luck. Ralphie described the damage to Mark as Suzette pursed her lips and clenched her drink so hard it exploded open in her hand.

Ralphie cleared his throat. "I guess us kids putting the Giants and Pats stickers on the back windshield was a bad idea, huh?"

Phoebe shot him a look. "You think?"

Suzette finally managed to speak. "I bought that crossover brand-_goddamn_-new...a 2004 model _in 2003!_ _I haven't even finished paying it off!_" She threw her destroyed drink bottle. "_Where are the little shits that did this?_"

The other three hung back as she stormed off to her vehicle, and she began kicking the license plate back in to place. Finally, they went to her, Mark gently grabbing her by the upper arms and pulling her back, his tone comforting as he told her they can always get the car repainted and tires replaced, and Ralphie and Phoebe set to work fixing the license plate.

"Ma, want me to call Triple-A?" Ralphie asked, once the plate was as flat as they could get it.

Suzette heaved a sigh, her hand on her eyes as Mark gently rubbed her back. "Fine, yes. Can't go anywhere with destroyed tires, I guess."

Ralphie gave her a nervous smile. "Look at it this way, Ma: Insurance will pay for all of this shit."

She sighed again. "Son, just call the damn tow truck."

* * *

_Washington, D.C.  
1:11 PM_

A tow truck got the Lexus to a tire repair shop in Baltimore, and much to Suzette's relief, insurance was to cover the cost of the new tires. They still had the spray paint on the vehicle, but that would have to be taken care of back in Walkerville. Once the new tires were installed and paid for, the Ternellis were on their way, making their first _planned_ stop in Washington, D.C. After a quick lunch, Suzette and Mark went to the Jefferson Memorial as Ralphie and Phoebe went to the White House.

Ralphie pressed his face against the bars of the fence. "Think the President's in there right now?"

Phoebe crossed her arms. "I really hope you get your head stuck in there so the Secret Service will think you're trying to trespass in to the White House."

Ralphie pressed his face harder against the bars until he popped through. "Shut up."

Phoebe nodded back. "C'mon, we're supposed to go meet with Daddy and Suzette so we can go to the Washington Monument."

"All right, fine." He pulled his head back only for his ears to stop him. "Uhm, Pheebs...I think your asshole wish came true, you asshole."

Phoebe didn't hold back as she laughed, and she took her disposable camera out from her pocket. "Oh, gods be good, this is _amazing_." She started taking photos. "Smile, Ralphie!"

"_Phoebe!_"

"Say 'White House'!"

"I am going to _kill_ your skinny freckled ass if I ever get out of here!"

Phoebe lowered her camera. "Oh, look! Is that the First Lady?"

"_Goddammit, Phoebe!_"

"I _really_ hope Secret Service can see you and is just _laughing_." When Ralphie started growling and trying to pull his head out harder, she sighed. "All right, fine."

Phoebe climbed up on the concrete base and tried using all her weight to pull on one of the bars. Unfortunately, her lack of balance caused her to slip, one leg going through the bars as the other went down the concrete base. She yelled out "_Seven hells!_" as her crotch hit the concrete, and Ralphie started laughing.

"Good, you're stuck, too, dicknuts."

Phoebe was hanging upside down, her head on the concrete sidewalk. "Two things I'm glad I don't have right now: A dick and nuts."

She closed her eyes as she heard other people around them start laughing. At least no one in Washington D.C. knew her. Well, there were two people that knew her and Ralphie...

"_Oh, holy hell!_"

Phoebe opened her eyes to see Suzette and Mark hurry towards them. "Ralphie got stuck first."

Suzette took out her phone and dialed 911. "Yes, my idiot children are stuck in the fence at the White House. No, ma'am, this is not a prank. I'm looking right at my idiot children. My idiot daughter has her leg stuck, and my idiot, moron son has his head stuck."

"Hey!" Ralphie said. "Why do I get the moron?"

Phoebe sighed. "Because you were the moron who got stuck first."

* * *

**note:** _"No one sheds like this family. It's like a bunch of Chewbaccas."_ - Taken from _Bob's Burgers_.

_"You need to me to put the car top carrier on the Family Truckster?"_ - Ralphie is, of course, referencing _National Lampoon's Vacation_ in which the Griswold family car was the Wagon Queen Family Truckster.

_Suzette was wearing a blue trucker's cap with white lettering that read "BOOB POLICE."_ - Taken from the _Bob's Burgers_ episode "Food Truckin'" in which Linda wears the same hat.

Stay tuned, there's plenty more Ternelli hijinks to come!


	2. the volunteer state welcomes you!

**note:** This chapter is a little shorter than the previous, but I'm sure it won't disappoint, as things don't get better for our Ternelli family.

Don't own MSB.

Enjoy!

* * *

**holiday road  
**by, the ultimateSora

**chapter two  
the volunteer state welcomes you!**

_Tuesday, August 10, 2004  
Richmond, Virginia  
6:54 AM_

It took a few hours for Ralphie and Phoebe to get freed, and the Ternellis hurried out of the city before the reporters could interview them. The drive through Virginia was silent, and they checked in a hotel in Richmond that night, everyone too tired to go any further on the road. They had dinner at the Waffle House across the street, and it was also where they had breakfast the next morning.

"We're going to smell like ashtrays," Ralphie said as he took a bite of his waffles.

"You're not allowed to complain, monkey boy," Suzette said.

"Says the Boob Police," he said.

Phoebe pressed her fingers to her eyes. "Can we not?"

Ralphie looked at his mother. "Well, maybe if you married someone who had a kid that didn't have a problem with balance, I woulda gotten unstuck!"

The other three's responses came at the same time.

"You do _not_ bring me in to this, young man!"

"Oh, _yes_, it was _Phoebe's_ fault your big head got stuck!"

"How are you blaming _me_ for something _you_ did?" Phoebe stopped herself and held up her hands. "No, no, let's not. I don't want to get kicked out. We've been kicked out of enough restaurants as a family." They went back to eating, and Phoebe took her phone from her pocket when she felt it buzz. It was a text from Arnold. She covered her eyes and sighed. "_Seven hells_."

"What?" Ralphie asked. She handed him her phone, and he read the text aloud. "'News said that two siblings got stuck in White House fence. Please tell me it wasn't you two.'" He closed her phone and handed it back. "Well, good news, no one knows it was us for sure."

"It's the fact that he knows us well enough to ask," Phoebe said.

When they were done eating, they headed out to the Lexus, and Suzette handed Phoebe the key. "Boys in the back, ladies in the front," she said.

Phoebe got in on the driver's side, and after closing her door, she buckled up. Once everyone was in and buckled, she started the engine. She adjusted her seat and mirrors (she didn't have to do much, since Suzette's settings weren't that different), and she drove to the highway. The other three fell asleep once she was on the highway, which put her at ease. She didn't need Ralphie distracting her or her father and Suzette being critical on her driving (which was better than Ralphie's, at least). She turned on the satellite radio, leaving it on the classical music station. It didn't seem like too long a time before she crossed the state line in to North Carolina, and she smiled to herself. Maybe today would be a better day than yesterday.

A couple of hours went by as she drove through North Carolina, letting her mind wander a bit so she wouldn't get tired. The other three were still asleep, so there was no need to change drivers. She briefly looked down as she pulled her jeans away from where they were cutting in to her bruised inner thigh. She didn't see the highway sign as she drove under it, otherwise she would have known she got on the wrong highway back in Richmond, _and_ she would have realized she was about head west towards Greensboro. Another hour or so went by, and she noticed the terrain change. Though, it wasn't the change she was expecting.

The land on the sides of the highway was hilly and becoming hillier. If she didn't know better, she would have thought she was driving through the mountains. It looked more like upstate New York than she would have thought. Plus, did she ever cross in to South Carolina? Did South Carolina have hills this big? No, not hills. These were definitely mountains. Were there mountains in South Carolina? She saw a blue sign in the distance. Maybe that was the state line.

"Finally," she sighed. "South Caro- Oh...oh, _shit_."

It wasn't South Carolina they were about to enter. If there wasn't so many cars around her, she would have slammed on the brakes as the sign became clear.

_Tennessee  
The Volunteer State  
Welcomes You!_

* * *

_Somewhere in the Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee  
12:47 PM_

"Please, remind me why I shouldn't kill you!" Ralphie demanded.

Suzette smacked Ralphie again to calm him down. They were at a gas station off of the highway, near another highway that advertised being the way to Dollywood in Pigeon Forge. Phoebe was leaning on the Lexus, her face in her hands, but when Ralphie yelled at her, she jumped forward, Suzette grabbing her before her fists met his face.

"_I said I was sorry, you big ape!_"

Suzette shoved her back before shoving Ralphie back. "_Enough! _Both of you! Look, we'll make the best of this, okay? Now, I'm going to go find a map or brochure in the gas station. You two back in the car. Mark will keep you from killing each other."

Ralphie and Phoebe got back in the Lexus, Ralphie muttering, "_Face ass_."

Phoebe shot him a look, knowing he was referring to her cleft chin. "Pit stains."

Mark got in the front passenger seat just as Ralphie said, "Crooked spine."

"More hair on back than face," Phoebe said.

"I do _not_ have hair on my back!" Ralphie snapped. "Unlike _you_, you Wookiee!"

The hair on Phoebe's back was blonde, and it wasn't obvious, unless touched or seen in the light. An unspoken agreement was that Ralphie would never use Phoebe's back hair to insult her, so he covered his mouth once "Wookiee" left it, instantly regretting what he said. He didn't fight back when Phoebe's fist got him in the eye. His head snapped back, and he was dizzy for a moment. Mark didn't say anything, a part of him feeling Ralphie did have it coming. Phoebe crawled in to the trunk space and covered herself with Arnold's letter jacket as she curled herself in to the fetal position.

Suzette came back, and she noticed Ralphie holding his eye when she got in. "What happened?"

"I'm a jackass."

She nodded. "Sounds about right." She opened one of the maps she bought. "Let's go to one of these mountain towns and relax a bit. Might as well while we're here. Phoebe, I know Ralphie is a jackass, but with these hilly mountain roads, I'd prefer you to sit buckled up."

Phoebe sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Okay."

"No one's mad at you or anything, all right?" Suzette said.

Phoebe nodded as she climbed back in to her seat. "Yeah."

She rested her forehead against the window as Suzette drove on. She was half listening as Suzette, Ralphie, and her father all suddenly began arguing with one another. She didn't want to get involved, causing enough trouble already. She looked up to see Suzette was distracted as she yelled at Ralphie for something, and they were heading right for a dirt ramp off the side of the highway.

"_Look out!_" Phoebe screamed.

Suzette slammed on the brake, but it was too late. The Lexus flew up in the air a few feet before landing hard on a dirt path. They stopped just in time before hitting the trees, but everyone was dazed for a moment. The airbags deployed just then, sending Suzette and Mark back, both groaning in pain.

"I think I broke my nose," Mark said.

Ralphie put his hands on his head. "I think I stabbed my brain."

Phoebe was doubled over. "I think I got my period."

They all got out to inspect the damage, and the brand new tires were destroyed. Phoebe took off Arnold's letter jacket, the heat hitting her hard, and she left it in the Lexus. Her phone buzzed, and she took out out of her pocket to look at her message. She smiled as she texted Arnold back, just seeing his pixelated words making her feel better. Unfortunately, she didn't realize she was about to step off of a small ridge.

By the time she realized her foot was stepping down on air, she was already tumbling down a hill before a large tree stopped her from going further.

* * *

_East Tennessee Children's Hospital  
Knoxville, Tennessee  
6:42 PM_

Phoebe's right arm was in a sling as she sat on the hospital bed in the emergency room. Her face was covered in cuts and scrapes, the worse being along her right eye brow (bad enough she needed stitches and would get a scar), and since she was wearing a tank top, her shoulders and arms were also scratched. Knowing she wouldn't get to use her right hand and arm much made her happy that at least she was left handed. Suzette and Mark were sitting near the bed as Ralphie was out at the vending machine. The Lexus had been towed to Knoxville as Phoebe was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Mark and Ralphie went with Phoebe as Suzette went with the Lexus, driving to the hospital once the new tires were put on and paid for.

The doctor, a short, squat older man with a bald spot, walked in, x-ray photos in hand. "Well, how's the little lady?" he asked, handing her a lollipop.

Phoebe smiled and took the lollipop. "The pain meds are working great," she said.

"Well, I have good and bad news," he said. He put the x-rays up. "The bad is Phoebe has a broken collarbone and arm. The good is that's all that's broken, and she doesn't have any signs of concussion." He laughed and winked at Suzette. "But I'm sure you knew that, Dr. Tennelli." Suzette went by "Tennelli" professionally, as it would have been too much paperwork for her to change her name with the medical board.

"So we can go soon?" Phoebe asked.

"The nurse will be in shortly to get your cast put on you," he said. "Mr. Terese, Dr. Tennelli, if y'all want to take care of the payment and such while y'all wait, here's the paperwork." He handed Suzette the folder. "I'm sorry this had to be y'all's first experience here in Tennessee. Hope the rest of the trip goes better."

Suzette nodded and smiled. "Thank you, doctor."

He ruffled Phoebe's hair. "No more fallin' down mountains, you hear, little lady?"

She smiled. "Yes, sir."

He walked out just as Ralphie walked in, candy and soda in hand. He dumped the food on the bed. "Take your pick, Pheebso." His right eye was beginning to turn purple from where Phoebe had hit him. It hurt more than anything the accident did to him.

Suzette and Mark got up. "Now that Ralphie's here, we're going to go take care of the payment," Suzette said.

Mark kissed Phoebe's head. "We'll be back, sweetie."

They walked out, and Phoebe took a Milky Way and held it out to Ralphie. "Open it for me? Please?"

He nodded and opened it. "Look, I'm sorry I called you a Wookiee and then you fell down a mountain."

"Well, I'm sorry for going in the wrong direction. It was very _Dumb and Dumber_ of me."

Ralphie raised his brows and laughed. "That John Denver's full of shit, man."

"Maybe I should trade in our sheep dog for a scooter."

"You would totally redeem yourself."

They both laughed, but Phoebe stopped and cocked a brow. "But let's be real here for a moment: I would be the Harry, you the Lloyd."

Ralphie sighed as he opened the bottle of Diet Coke before handing it to her. "Unfortunately, despite the wrong direction deal, this is true."

Phoebe swallowed her bit of Milky Way. "I Got Worms."

"Is that our worm farm business?"

"Of course."

Ralphie opened his Mountain Dew and took a drink. Then he smacked her left arm as he said, "You're it."

She smacked him back. "You're it."

He smacked her again. "You're it. Quitsies!"

"Anti-quitsies." She hit him again. "You're it. Quitsies. No anti-quitsies. No startsies!"

"You can't do that!"

"Can too!"

"Cannot! Stamp it!"

"Can too! Double stamp it! No erasies!"

"Cannot! Triple stamp, no erasies! Touch blue, make it true!"

"No, you can't do that! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Ralphie!"

Suzette and Mark walked in just then, Suzette sighing. "Oh, no, they're quoting that stupid Jim Carrey movie."

"Ace Ventura?" Mark asked.

"No, the other one."

* * *

**note:** _"I think I broke my nose," Mark said._

_Ralphie put his hands on his head. "I think I stabbed my brain."_

_Phoebe was doubled over. "I think I got my period."_ - This, plus the whole thing with the car flying off the road is from _Vacation_.

And Ralphie and Phoebe's whole exchange at the end is of course from _Dumb and Dumber_.

Can I just say that Phoebe referring to the Ternellis being kicked out of restaurants numerous times is my favorite thing I've ever written? 'Cause it is.


	3. like in the walking dead

**note:** Another somewhat shorter chapter, but more hijnks ensue.

Don't own MSB.

Enjoy!

* * *

**holiday road  
**by, the ultimateSora

**chapter three  
like in the walking dead**

_Tuesday, August 10, 2004  
Knoxville, Tennessee  
10:14 PM_

Suzette helped Phoebe wash her hair and bathe that night in the hotel, which Phoebe was hesitant about at first, but as Suzette pointed out, "Phoebe, as a doctor and a woman, I can tell you that you don't have anything I haven't seen before. And you only have one working arm. I don't need you falling in the shower and making that two broken arms." Phoebe sat in the tub with her cast covered in plastic, and she had to hold her arm in place on her lap and across her stomach if she didn't want scream out in pain from her cracked collarbone.

Suzette rinsed her hair before giving it a third wash. "How did you get so much dirt and twigs in your hair when you fell?"

Phoebe would have shrugged if her collarbone wasn't throbbing. "Luck of the Tereses, I suppose." She sighed before she added, "Suzette, I- thanks. For everything."

Suzette smiled. "Well, it wasn't like I was going to leave you on that mountain."

Phoebe closed her eyes when she felt the shampoo roll down her forehead. "No, I mean- well, I know you said you'd never try to replace my mother, but- but you've been a great mother-figure, and I- well, you and Daddy have been married almost eight years, which is...is longer..."

Suzette knew what she was going to say. Diane Terese died when Phoebe was five. She gently pinched the back of Phoebe's neck. "You're a good kid, Phoebe. I'm happy to have seen you grow from that knobby kneed little girl to-"

Phoebe grinned. "To the knobby kneed teenager before you?"

Suzette was a little surprised by her quick response, but she smiled. "Well, now that everything crappy has happened, this can only mean that once we get to Orlando, everything will go right."

"Maybe the Tennelli luck will come in to play."

Suzette rinsed out her hair. "_I_ may be lucky, but I'm a Terese by marriage, and do you really think the Hulk is lucky?"

Phoebe thought about it for a moment and chuckled. "No more than me, I suppose."

Suzette got a towel for her as Phoebe turned off the tub faucet. She was careful to stand as Suzette covered her with the towel and helped her out of the tub. Phoebe took it slow, not wanting to add a broken leg to the mix. Suzette helped her in to her pajamas, and after putting her sling on, Phoebe went right to her bed. Hopefully Suzette was right and the trip would be better once they got to Orlando.

_Hopefully_.

* * *

_Wednesday, August 11, 2004  
I-75  
7:12 AM_

Breakfast was at the Krystal Burger near the hotel (which Ralphie called "Not White Castle"), and Suzette took on driving duties after studying the map. She found it would just be better to take I-75 south, rather than add on to the trip by back tracking. Phoebe's arm and collarbone began throbbing when they neared the Georgia state line, so she took one of her pain killers. Her face was also hurting from her stitched wound, but that was a dull pain compared to her cracked bones.

Ralphie saw her take a pill, and he gently kicked her ankle. "Hey, give me one of those. My eye is killing me." The swollen bruise around his eye was almost black.

"I'm not going to peddle my pain killers to you."

"_You_ punched me, so I think you owe me at least one."

Phoebe sighed. "Suzette, Ralphie's trying to get me to give him one of my prescription pain meds."

"Ralphie, stop trying to take one of your step-sister's drugs."

"But she punched me!" he said.

"Maybe you shouldn't have insulted her, then," Mark said.

Phoebe felt her phone buzz in her left pocket, and she took it out. It survived the fall, her hand having held tight to it, and the worst damage it had was some scratches on the outside. Phoebe smiled when she saw Arnold's text.

_How's the arm?_

She found it awkward and slow to text with one hand, but she managed to get a response written: _Throbby, but I took my meds_.

_Good to know. I'm sorry that happened to you_.

_Well, if someone was going to fall down a mountain, might as well have been me_.

_To be fair, it's happened to me and Ralphie  
Remember in third grade?  
The carnival and the Capt Walker statue?_

She smiled when she remembered. Ralphie had been catapulted when he attempted to get that rock unstuck, and Arnold was pulled down a waterfall when trying to grab the Captain Walker statue. But they both ended up being uninjured, thanks to the Friz.

_Yeah, but neither of you ended up with broken bones_.

_Fair enough  
Oh, by the way, may not affect you  
Since you're going to Orlando  
But there's a storm in the Gulf  
"Charley" I think_

Phoebe sighed. "Oh, _great_."

"What?" Ralphie asked.

"Arnold says there's a storm in the Gulf."

Suzette shook her head. "We're going to Orlando, not Tampa or Panama City Beach. We'll be fine."

Phoebe looked down when she felt her phone buzz. It was Arnold: _Just be careful. I'll be thinking about you_.

She replied: _Thanks. I'm thinking of you too :)_

Phoebe pocketed her phone and closed her eyes before her pill started to make her nauseated. She realized she fell asleep when she found herself waking up a little while later. Ralphie had his face pressed up against the window as they drove in to a downtown area.

"To think, there was a zombie apocalypse here," Ralphie said.

Phoebe rubbed her eyes. "Where are we?"

"Atlanta," Ralphie said. "Like in _The Walking Dead_."

Phoebe sat up. "Are we stopping?"

"Suzette thought we should go to the Coca-Cola museum," Mark said.

Phoebe nodded and took a drink from her water bottle. Her nap had done her some good, as her collarbone, arm, and stitched eyebrow weren't bothering her as much. She reached in her backpack for her brush, and she tapped Ralphie with it.

"Gimme a quick brush?"

He nodded. She knew he wouldn't refuse her, seeing as she was down to one arm. He ran the brush through her hair, gentle when he brushed out any tangles. Her hair was barely below her ears, but she was considering cutting it shorter. She knew Arnold wouldn't mind, saying she could be anywhere from bald to Rapunzel and she would still be beyond beautiful to him. Her response was calling him a charming bastard and giving him a kiss. She broke from her thoughts when she felt Ralphie gently pinch the top of her ear.

"You got big ears, you know?" he said. "Well, the tops of them, anyway."

"I'm quite aware, thanks."

"But seriously, they're like all round, like a mouse-"

"Ralphie," she cut him off, "I appreciate you brushing my hair, but don't tempt me making your other eye swollen and black."

Ralphie continued brushing her hair in silence, and when he finished, he handed the brush back to her. To hide his unruly brown locks, he put on his dirt-and-sweat stained Mets cap. Suzette parked in a pay lot, and the four got out, the August heat and humidity hitting all four hard. Phoebe was glad she was in a tank top (a gray one with a faded Patriots logo on it), but she wished she opted for shorts and flip flops instead of jeans and her hi-top boots. How did southerners live like this? If it was in the high 90s in Rhode Island for more than a week, she didn't think she could handle it. Though, Suzette did have central air put in the house before they moved in as a new family, but still, it wasn't like many places in Walkerville had air conditioning. Phoebe always heard most all places in the south had A/C; she hoped that was true.

She took out her phone and texted Arnold: _You've been to the south before, right?_

He responded: _Yeah. Grandparents have a place in Hilton Head, SC. Why?_

_Do all places down here have AC? I'm burning up._

_Yes, they do. Worry not :)_

_Good to know  
So Hilton Head, huh? Is it nice?_

_It's beautiful  
Mayhaps I'll take you some time  
That is if Mark doesn't mind me taking his little girl across state lines_

_Or Jean doesn't mind her little boy taking a peasant on a nice trip?_

_That too_

Phoebe pocketed her phone when she realized they were in front of the museum. It was in an area called Underground Atlanta (she wasn't sure why). The building didn't look like much, but the large rotating Coca-Cola logo was cool looking. People were standing near the large fountain in front, but the Ternellis went right to the building.

"_Doo doo doo doo doo, Always Coca-Cola!_" Ralphie sang.

Suzette pulled Ralphie's cap off and smacked him with it before putting it back on his head. "Son, God gave you many gifts, but singing was not one of them."

They went inside, paid, and took the elevator upstairs to begin the tour. Ralphie and Phoebe wandered away from Mark and Suzette as they looked around. Phoebe was glad Ralphie didn't ditch her, considering she only had one working arm. She liked knowing she had someone there to help her if anything happened. They went through the tour before finding themselves in a room filled with soda fountains of drinks from around the world. Ralphie took off to start at the beginning of the fountains as Phoebe took her time looking at the different drinks. She almost bumped into a blonde guy about her age, and she smiled when she noticed his clothes.

"Lacoste?" she asked.

He looked at her, pure confusion on his face. "Huh?"

"Your shirt. My boyfriend wears a lot of Lacoste."

He may have dressed like Arnold, but he was far from being as smart as him. "Oh, huh."

A girl hurried over to them and pulled him back from Phoebe. "Go find your own boyfriend, poor skank."

Phoebe stepped back, holding up her good hand. "What? No, I have one, thanks. I was just saying he's wearing a brand mine wears a lot."

The girl shoved her back. "I said go away!"

"Hey!" Ralphie hurried over to them and threw his balled up paper cup at the couple. "Don't touch my sister!"

The boyfriend, who was almost as tall as Ralphie but nowhere near as burly, puffed up. "Don't, uh, throw stuff at us!"

He threw a punch, but his aim was off. Rather than hit Ralphie, his fist made contact with Phoebe's nose. She felt the _crunch_ and tasted the blood, and for a short moment, she lost her sight as her vision was clouded by a burst of color and stars. She fell back, her back popping as a table broke her fall. Ralphie let out a shout as he punched the guy, his massive fist getting the guy right in the jaw.

The girlfriend screeched, "_Do you know who you just punched, you oaf!_"

Moments later when the Atlanta police came in and put both Ternellis in handcuffs, they learned Ralphie had hit a senator's son.

* * *

_Atlanta Police Department  
Atlanta, Georgia  
3:22 PM_

Ralphie and Phoebe were handcuffed together, Ralphie's other wrist handcuffed to the bench. Since they were both minors and not convicted of anything yet, the police officers didn't want to put them in a cell with other inmates. Still, it didn't keep them from being yelled at by their parents. One of the officers almost had to restrain Suzette to keep her from hitting both kids. Phoebe's face was still covered in dried blood, but she would need medical attention soon. Thanks to the witnesses at the museum, all of whom said the girlfriend shoved Phoebe first and the boyfriend hit her, which prompted Ralphie to hit him.

"Leave them like this for a little while longer," Suzette said to the officers. "Maybe they won't pick fights anymore."

"That dudebro hit Pheebs!" Ralphie argued.

Phoebe was trying not to close her eyes for too long in case she had a concussion. "Can we- I- go place to thing. Hospital! Yeah, that."

"Look at her!" Ralphie nodded to her. "She's all stupid, and her nose is more of a mess than it used to be!"

Phoebe nodded, despite the throbbing pain from the top of her skull to her neck. "I is like Tyrion. The Imp! Impy Imp-Imp. Call me Tyrion Lanny-ster."

"Mr. and Mrs. Terese, I'd highly recommend getting your girl to the hospital," one of the officers said.

"My back hurts," Phoebe said, pouting some. "Did I hits it or somethin'?" She looked down at her arm in the sling and gasped. "When did _this_ happen?"

Suzette sighed. "All right, let's get her to the hospital."

Ralphie snorted. "Yeah, _again_."

This time, it was Mark who smacked him.

* * *

**note:** _"Atlanta," Ralphie said. "Like in _The Walking Dead_."_ - Ralphie is, of course, referencing the comics, as it is 2004 and the show had yet to premiere.

_Phoebe nodded, despite the throbbing pain from the top of her skull to her neck. "I is like Tyrion. The Imp! Impy Imp-Imp. Call me Tyrion Lanny-ster."_ - _A Song of Ice and Fire_, of course, except Phoebe's nose wasn't cut off, just punched broken.


	4. roy walley was wrong

**note:** So this is it, the final chapter, but worry not, I have other fics in the works right now :D

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this fic!

Don't own MSB.

Enjoy!

* * *

**holiday road  
**by, the ultimateSora

**chapter four  
roy walley was wrong**

_Wednesday, August 11, 2004  
Children's Healthcare of Atlanta  
Atlanta, Georgia  
7:51 PM_

Ralphie was asleep in his chair, Suzette and Mark having to gently push him over to keep him from leaning on either one of them (which would cause him to snore). Phoebe was also asleep on her hospital bed, the pain medications making her woozy and tired (as did the slight loss of blood). She had gauze stuffed in her nostrils, and her now crooked nose was swollen and almost purple. The bruise extended to under her eyes, but fortunately, she didn't have a concussion, despite the hard hit to her face.

"Maybe this whole trip was a mistake," Suzette said, keeping her voice low as not to wake the kids.

"It was a good idea," Mark said. He reached across Ralphie and took Suzette's hand. "So we've had setbacks. No one's perfect, _especially_ our family, but once we get to Orlando, I have faith everything will be perfect."

She smiled when she noticed he was smiling. "Marcus Terese, you are one charming southern bastard, you know that?"

He kissed her fingers. "It's why you married me."

"That, and I loved the way you grabbed my ass during that parent-teacher conference when the kids were in third grade."

Mark laughed. "I told you that was an accident!"

"Accident, my _ass_."

"Well, you do have a nice, round rear end, I won't deny that." He made a squeezing motion with his free hand. "Fits perfectly."

Suzette leaned over and said, "When we get to Florida, we'll send the kids off to the park, and we'll put the 'do not disturb' sign on our room door until we have to drive home."

"A whole week in bed with my wife? I will be quite all right with that."

Ralphie suddenly groaned. "Oh, for the love of God! I did _not_ want to wake up to hear you two talking about...about _that!_"

"Oh, no, God forbid your parents have sex," Suzette said.

"No, no, _no!_" Phoebe was awake now. "Can't we just live in our illusion that you two are pure and innocent? I'm in too much pain to know you two do..._things._"

"Maybe we should have never given them the sex talk," Suzette said, squeezing Mark's hand. "They know too much. We might have to destroy them and start over."

Phoebe closed her eyes, a wave of nausea hitting her. "Just erase my memory of the last few minutes."

"If you do start over," Ralphie said, "just don't smoke when pregnant, otherwise they come out all spindly." Mark's expression suddenly changed, and Ralphie's jaw dropped some. "Wait, is that how Phoebe ended up all...like that? The first Mrs. T smoked? I was only kidding around!"

Phoebe's brows raised as she opened her eyes. "Wait, Momma smoked when she was pregnant with me?"

"Would you believe the 'it was the 1980s and we didn't know any better' excuse?" Mark asked. He sighed. "She had been trying to quit. By the time you were three, she was done for good. Fortunately, you had no birth defects or anything."

"You just came out all lanky and bony," Ralphie said.

Suzette smacked him on the back of the head.

* * *

_Thursday, August 12, 2004  
Atlanta, Georgia  
6:47 AM_

Phoebe sat on her bed in the hotel as Suzette carefully removed the gauze in her nose. Ralphie laughed when he called them "nose tampons," but when he saw the first blood covered roll of gauze come out, he fainted. Phoebe tried not to laugh, and Suzette smiled and winked at her.

"He never did have a strong stomach."

Phoebe took a deep breath and held it as Suzette pulled out the second roll. She exhaled and said, "Oh, I know. I've seen him faint many times at the sight of of anyone's blood not his own."

Phoebe got up and stepped over Ralphie to get to the sink to wash the dried blood off of her face. She tried to be gentle as not to trigger more pain from the bruised, crooked lump that was her nose. It was going to remain crooked unless she had surgery to correct it, but for now, she was only going to focus on managing the pain and bruising. Suzette got Ralphie up and had him finish packing the Lexus. Once everything was ready to go, the other three Ternellis waited in the Lexus as Suzette went to check out. She didn't take long, and they were back on the road.

By the time they were south of Macon, traffic going northbound seemed to thicken. At some parts, the traffic was at a stand still, especially when they were south of Valdosta. Ralphie and Phoebe sat forward when they noticed they passed mile marker one, and Ralphie started drumming on Suzette's seat in excitement.

"There it is!" he cheered.

They all "woo!"ed when they passed the "WELCOME TO FLORIDA! THE SUNSHINE STATE" sign. Ralphie and Phoebe began chanting "_Flor-i-da! Flor-i-da!_" The stopped when they realized they were one of the only cars driving south, aside from the occasionally state trooper or emergency vehicle. Suzette pulled off on the shoulder when one of the state troopers flashed his lights and sounded his siren once. The trooper got out of his car and walked to the Lexus. He knocked on the driver's side window, and Suzette lowered it.

"I wasn't speeding, was I?"

"Where you folks headed?"

"Orlando," Suzette said.

The trooper shook his head. "I'm gonna need you folks to turn around and go back the way you came."

Ralphie rolled his window down as Suzette asked, "Why, sir?"

"Ma'am, I see that y'all ain't from around here, and if you had gone a few more miles or so, you'd have seen the warning signs about the hurricane coming. We got a category four storm on its way to our west coast."

Ralphie held up his hand. "Let me get this straight, sir: Are you saying the state of Florida is closed?"

The trooper nodded. "In a way, yes, son."

Ralphie looked at Phoebe. "Roy Walley was wrong."

Phoebe ignored him when she noticed the tendons in Suzette's neck as she took a deep breath. "Sir," Suzette said, her jaw clenched, "we have just spent the last few days in pure _hell_, and you're telling me that we can't go to Orlando?"

"Ma'am, Orlando is just as shut down as Tampa. The storm will hit there once it makes landfall, but if you and your family want to take shelter in your hotel with limited food, possibly no water or power, be my guest. Or you can turn around and go home where it's safe and quiet."

Ralphie leaned over to Phoebe. "I feel like Ma is one second away from telling us we'll be whistling 'Zip-a-Dee Doo-Dah' out of our assholes."

Suzette decided not to turn around and smack Ralphie in front of a state trooper, so instead, she nodded and thanked the officer. She turned around at the next exit, and the next few hours were spent in the hurricane evacuation traffic. Phoebe fell asleep, and when she woke up, it was dark outside. Her arm and face were throbbing, so she reached for her pain killers and bottle of water.

"Where are we?" Phoebe asked.

"Outside of Savannah," Suzette said. "I took a highway that connected to I-95."

Phoebe realized Ralphie and her father were both asleep. "Are you tired?"

"Exhausted, but I have enough pep to get us to a hotel."

Phoebe sat forward. "We still have a week left of this vacation. Why don't we spend it in Savannah? I've always heard nice things about it. I- hang on." She reached in her backpack for the brochures she took from the last hotel they were at. "Ah, I knew I grabbed something on Savannah. They have all sorts of tours, like a ghost tour, and there's the Juliette Gordon Low birthplace, and they have some shopping...oh! They have a shop called Savannah's Candy Kitchen!"

Suzette grinned. "Phoebe, are you trying to say you want to visit in Savannah for a couple of days?"

"Just a thought."

Suzette reached back and patted Phoebe's head. "Have I told you recently you're my favorite?"

Phoebe smiled. "Not in the last day." She looked at the brochure. "Savannah's the oldest city in Georgia. It was founded by James Og- _Ohg_- Uhm, it was founded by some English guy."

* * *

**note:** _"If you do start over," Ralphie said, "just don't smoke when pregnant, otherwise they come out all spindly."_ - Kinda taken from _That 70s Show._

_Ralphie looked at Phoebe. "Roy Walley was wrong."_ - In _National Lampoon's Vacation_, Clark Griswold asks Walley World owner, Roy Walley, "Roy, could you imagine if you had driven all the way to Florida, and it was closed?" To which Roy responds, "Closed? Uh, they don't close Florida."

_Ralphie leaned over to Phoebe. "I feel like Ma is one second away from telling us we'll be whistling 'Zip-a-Dee Doo-Dah' out of our assholes." _- Also from _National Lampoon's Vacation_.

_"Savannah's the oldest city in Georgia. It was founded by James Og- Ohg- Uhm, it was founded by some English guy."_ - Savannah (and the colony of Georgia) was founded by James Oglethorpe. It's okay, Phoebe, that one used to mess me up as a kid when learning Georgia history.

Again, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed!


End file.
